the rules

what. the. fuck. dude.

I lost interest in the la girl a long long time ago and haven't talked to her since I practiced my stories from new york on her. today she text messaged me, "Happy new year!!! I <3 you and miss you loads and loads! Can't wait to see you!" I hope this was a mass text msg sent to everyone on her phone. otherwise that's hella weird. she did the same thing on christmas.

I had lunch with hannah yesterday. this body language stuff is key when figuring out what topic to bring up or what to say to a person. something kinda obvious that I want to reaffirm here is that when you're talking to anyone with the intention of getting something from them, never be the one to reveal something first. let loose a silence, act comfortable with it, let them feel somewhat awkward and fill the space with something. what they say tends to reveal what they're thinking about and what sort of conversation you should introduce. hannah likes to talk about sappy love (because she's lacking). elaine likes to talk about cool stuff you do in your free time (because her dorm life is boring). etc.

I keep forgetting to tell you about The Rules, which is the female equivalent to The Game from 1995. they even have a name: instead of PUAs they're Rules Girls. the intention is love and marriage, and is pretty much return-fire for the PUA who's trying to get a one-night stand. the book is called The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right. I flipped through a lot of it, the names of the rules are pretty self-explanatory. I got lazy with the formatting, but just keep in mind that every time they write "The Rules" it's capitalized and italicized. and look at rule 31.

make of it what you will. I'm objective to this because I'm not looking for mr. right, so it's just something to study and internalize.


1. Be a "Creature Unlike Any Other"
2. Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)
3. Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
4. Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
5. Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls
6. Always End Phone Calls first
7. Don't accept a saturday night date after wed.
8. fill up your time before the date
9. how to act on dates 1,2, and 3 (musashi's summary: be charming, be pleasant, reveal nothing significant about yourself)
10. how to act on dates 4 throught commitment time (m's summary: keep marriage & love & your therapy secrets to yourself until he admits he's in love with you; he has to be the one to bring it up)
11. always end the date first
12. stop dating him if he doesn't buy you a romantic gift for your birthday or valentine's day
13. don't see him more than once or twice a week
14. no more than casual kissing on the first date
15. don't rush into sex and other rules for intimacy
16. don't tell him what to do
17. let him take the lead
18. don't expect a man to change or try to change him
19. don't open up too fast
20. be honest but ysterious
21. accentuate the positive and other rules for personal ads
22. don't live with a man (or leave your things in his apartment)
23. don't date a married man
24. slowly involve him in your family and other rules for women with children
25. practice, practie, practice! (or, getting good at the rules)
26. even if you're engaged or married, you still need the rules
27. do the rules, even when your friends and parents think it's nuts
28. be smart and other rules for dating in high school
29. take care fo yourself and other rules for dating in college (m's summary: sorry, we can't help you. try not to get fat and don't moon over him)
30. next! and other rules for dealing with rejection
31. don't discuss the rules with your therapist
32. don't break the rules
33. do the rules and you'll live happily ever after!
34. love only those who love you
35. be easy to live with